There are all sorts of pressures yo will have to face as you go through life. And don’t think that you don’t still have to face them as you get older–we men face these pressures eery day until we die.

Believe me, you will NEVER tire of looking at pretty young girls. The prettier they are the harder it will be not to stare, and the older you are the more your increasing age is thrown back at you.

A young bloke can look at a young girl and keep his gaze on her for as long as he likes. The amount of time you can look at a girl decreases in direct relation to the increase in your age. Hold your gaze too long and people start to think you’re a dirty old man.

Are you? No, you’re just a normal man, but you have to be more circumspect, more respectful of who you are staring at, and learn to understand ‘why’ we stare at pretty young girls.

You see, the reason we are visually and emotionally drawn to the young and the beautiful is because we are men–and our role has always been to procreate.

Whether you believe that God told us to ‘go forth and multiply’ or whether you believe it is our caveman sense of survival, an evolutionary need to ensure the continuity of the species, is up to you.

But we lust for girls/young women because they are at their most reproductively fertile peak when they are between 14 and 25. Women in his age group are more likely to be ‘fit’ genetically–fit enough to be able to cope with the demands on the body that childbirth makes. Once women get towards their 30s they are less physically able to cope with the torture of childbirth and the relentless demands that motherhood makes on them.

But make no mistake–you will never stop wanting to look at attractive girls and women, no matter how old you are.

What women want (perhaps)

And all this thinking about girls and the demands of childbearing and child-rearing raises another important question–what are girls/women looking for in a boy/man?

Well, it depends on their age and their environment (what sort of home life they have, what their values are, what circumstances they find themselves in or have created for themselves). But unless they are still in their teens or very early twenties (like they are at uni or something) they will probably want some combination of the following in you:

Physical fitness: you have to be able to catch her if you chase her

Mental fitness: you have to be able to ‘match wits’ with her, which means you have to be able to discuss things with her, even hold a view opposite or different to hers every now and then

Emotional fitness: you have to be able to withstand her occasional emotional outbursts directed at you, whether you are the REAL cause of that outburst or not

Economic fitness: you have to be able to provide financially for her and any children you might have together (or she brings into a relationship with you). Oh, and don’t think that just because she says she’s not interested in having children that she will ALWAYS have that view. It could just as easily mean “not with you”, “not today”, “not yet”, or “not that I’m telling you in case you get scared and dump me.”

Being economically fit means being strong enough to stick at a job that sucks, even though you’d love to leave, because you have responsibilities for others over and above yourself—your family.

Economically fit also means you are able and likely to remain in work over your working life, and be flexible enough to try new types of work (including re-skilling and re-educating yourself) when your old type of job no longer exists, which happens all the time; technology is constantly changing how we do things and replacing old jobs with new and different ones.

Courage: to stick with her through good times and bad; to protect her from harm; to protect her children from harm; to face your own fears and failings and overcome them; to re-train and re-skill when necessary

A sense of humour: if you can’t laugh at yourself she’ll certainly help you see the ludicrous side of both you and life. Girls also love a man who can make THEM laugh–not in the same way your mates laugh when you snort beer out your nose or fart loudly, but differently. Each woman has a different sense of humour to other women and a different sense of humour to men; you’ll need to find out for yourself what it is for your own woman.

Not be a woman: she wants you to be her closest friend, but that doesn’t mean she wants you to be another ‘her’. She keeps her girl friends because she wants and needs girls as friends, friends who understand her and appreciate her world. She wants you to be the friend she shares part of her life with (and, over time, an increasing proportion of her life) but you have to remain her complementary opposite. Which means you have to be all that a friend is–loyal, faithful, true–but also able to present to her an alternative viewpoint. She needs your male view of things to help her keep her world in balance (and you also need her view to keep your world in balance, son). So be her male friend, not another female friend (after all, what do YOU know about being a girl?)

So that’s the main qualities she will look for in you. That’s if she’s in her early-mid 20s and older. Before that, she’ll be looking for fun, looking to find out who she is and what she thinks and what she enjoys before she settles down and thinks about children.

If you find a girl who says she is thinking of children before she is 24, run away. Because YOU won’t be ready for children before then and she will need to depend on you for financial as well as emotional support, and the odds are good that you won’t be mentally and financially ready to make that commitment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah… “Love is all you need”, “Love conquers all”. But 99 per cent of all marriages start with love, yet half of them will end up in divorce. The biggest cause of divorce? Money–lack of it or differences over how to handle it; just think about how your mother gets stressed over my (lack of) good money habits!

So until you are established in your work (which means having held down the same job for more than two years) don’t even THINK that you can guarantee her the financial and emotional security you and she needs.

Don’t get me wrong–children are a wonderful blessing. Even though you give us grief, you can also make your mother’s and my day with just one of your fabulous smiles. You may not care, but your mother and I cry with joy when you achieve one of your goals, no matter how big or small.

But children DO cost a lot of money. A lot.

Really. More than you can imagine or budget for.

So make sure you are prepared in some small way for the onslaught to your hard-earned wages.

Rumpy-Pumpy

Speaking of being prepared…

Follow the lead of the Boy Scouts and ‘Be Prepared!’

Carry a condom in your wallet.

Look, your mother and I would MUCH prefer that you NOT have sex before marriage, but that’s our religious beliefs. Both of us have certainly had sex before we married, so we’re not going to give you that “we never did it” rubbish.

So our line is, “don’t do it”, but if you do then for the sake of your sanity, for your financial health, for your reputation and most of all for your life’s sake WEAR A CONDOM.

Don’t think that STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) cannot happen to you. It can happen to anyone. HIV is nothing to laugh about. It kills, and the death is very slow and very painful. VERY painful. No amount of drugs can stop the pain.

Did you know that in some countries they appoint two people to every government job, because the chances are good that one of them will die within five years from Aids?

You don’t read a lot about it in the press or hear about it on tv, but Aids really IS a major threat to your life.

Please, please, please — use a condom.

You don’t want to find yourself a father after a night of drunken sex, nor do you want to find yourself with a disease that will kill you, kill anyone you have unprotected sex with, and hand a death sentence to the unborn child of your sex partner.

And hey, if stuff is freaking you out and life’s getting a bit TOO hairy, come and talk to your mother or me. We’ve done heaps of things you have no idea about (yes, we actually HAD a life once!) and we may be able to bring a pair of old, crusty eyes to your problem and help you find a way through.

————————

————————

I don’t know when you will get to read this. I don’t know when I will die — whether it will be tomorrow, the next day, the next year, or in 40 years time. That is something only God knows.

But before I go I want to leave you something; a legacy, a cry from my heart to you. I have made so many mistakes in my life that I often amaze myself that I’m still alive. I should have died years ago—from sexual disease, from alcoholism, from wreckless driving, from the justifyable violence of others towards me.

But somehow, for some reason only God knows, I am still alive. So, because I love you, I want to warn you of what traps can lie out there in the world. I also want to urge you to not make the same mistakes I made. I want to suggest to you some ideas on how you can have a better life than mine (which wouldn’t be hard, believe me!)

So I’m going to break this letter up into manageable chunks, broadly under these headings: sex, drugs, rock’n'roll, money, work, play, family, friends, and God.

Dip into each chunk as your urge takes you. Don’t feel as if you have to read from the very beginning to the very end in one go, one post after another.

Of course, you could ask if I am writing this as some sort of ego thing, showing you how great I am.

But the answer is, “No.”

I’m writing this because I love you and I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made. We all need to make mistakes to learn, so don’t think I’m telling you not to make ANY mistakes. But let this series of posts serve as a useful list of mistakes you can avoid making — a way of learning from someone else’s history.

I am letting you know the countless mistakes I made so you don’t have to make them. I will lay my life almost completely bare for you. Sure, there are some skeletons best kept in the closet, but you can be sure won’t be reading a veiled biography of how fabulous I am. My biggest mistakes will be here for you to read and laugh at—”I’ll never be THAT stupid!”.

Hopefully you won’t be.

Anabolic supplements have received a stigmatised reputation for a variety of reasons. When athletes and body builders abuse anabolic steroids, they gain a competitive edge against their opponents. As a result, officials in sports from cricket to body building have deemed anabolic steroids and supplements against the rules. This is evident through the recent baseball scandals involving superstars like Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds. In the 1980s, the World Wrestling Federation also went through a major scandal that brought the use of anabolic steroids and supplements into the news. These and other scandals have contributed to the bad reputation of these controversial supplements.

With at least three percent of high school athletes admitting the use of anabolic supplements, many people have tried to educate others about the dangers of their abuse. Sports stars and body builders often show a positive side to these supplements because of their outward effects, but they also have several strong negative effects. The most serious negative side effect is ventricular hypertrophy. This occurs when there is an increase in the size of one of the heart’s ventricles, which is a common side effect. This leads to high blood pressure and hypertension, which can be devastating.

Even though anabolic steroids draw a large amount of controversy, they are not without their positive side effects. If you want to build muscle quickly, anabolic supplements is one way to do it. They were also used in a variety of medical treatments until they were outlawed in 1988. Pediatricians used anabolics to stimulate growth for children who had a stunted growth hormone. Physicians have also used anabolic steroids to help cancer and AIDS patients increase their appetite and develop muscle mass. Until recently, doctors also used them to induce puberty in boys. Now, medical treatments use testosterone for this purpose as well as to help athletes recover from injuries.

Synthetic anabolic supplements are controversial because they provide an increase in strength and muscle mass, but at a great cost to the user’s health. The natural form, on the other hand, can be less harmful. In any event, abusing even natural anabolics can be harmful to your health and organs. Often, an expert or a trainer can give you advice and help you find the most beneficial form of bodybuilding substance to help you achieve the best results.

Technorati : anabolic supplements, men health

Powered by Zoundry

A significant factor is societal pressure. Men are expected to be tough, strong, and capable. It is often seen as a sign of weakness for a man to seek help. Therefore, men tend to repress feelings of depression as well as signs of other disorders, believing that they need to “tough it out,” and deal with their feelings on their own.

Dealing with depression on their own can lead men to increasingly risky behaviors. Drinking and driving, womanizing, and physical altercations can all stem from untreated mental health issues. This often exacerbates the problem, as the man must then face the consequences of the behavior. As his life deteriorates due to these behaviors, the depression worsens. It becomes a self-replicating cycle, which may go unnoticed by both the sufferer and his doctor.

Friends and family members often become “enablers.” Women tend to confront each other over negative behavior patterns. Men, on the other hand, who may also buy into the societal pressure for men to handle their own problems, may be more reluctant to do anything that they see as interfering or nagging. Often the man’s significant other may make attempts to intervene, but her success may be limited.

Fortunately, things are changing. Men are being diagnosed with disorders from depression to schizophrenia in record numbers. The stigma is being lifted. It is important for doctors to work toward increasing awareness, and to screen their male patients for mental health issues.

It is equally important for men to arm themselves with information. Mental health disorders do not solely affect women, and men need to be aware of the symptoms. It takes a strong man to handle his problems on his own, but an even stronger one admits when he needs help. Annual physical exams are recommended for everyone, and it is a simple matter to review any psychological factors with your doctor at that time. Additionally, the services of a mental health professional can and should be sought at any time that a disorder seems to manifest itself.

Modern psychiatric drugs have far fewer side effects than did those of the past and in some cases a simple pill may be all that is required. At other times, more extensive therapy may be indicated. While it can be difficult for men who have been raised to keep their issues private to suddenly open up to a stranger, many describe the process as liberating. Learning to communicate with a therapist can have numerous real world benefits, including better communication with one’s partner and co-workers. A therapist is impartial, fair, and nonjudgmental. Seeking the advice of a therapist can help to bring many issues into focus, and help one to develop the best life he can possibly have. Entering treatment can be intimidating, but it is important to remember that psychological illness is no different than physical illness. Psychological treatment, like physical treatment, can prevent a minor illness from becoming, quite literally, life-threatening. The advantages far outweigh the initial fear and embarrassment.

For thousands of years, man lived and died by his physical abilities. Traveling long distances in hunting parties was extremely common, as was journeying up to 20 miles on foot for celebrations with other tribes. Every tool was created by hand, every fire built from wood that was gathered or chopped down. Maintaining physical fitness in those days had much to do with ensuring that one ate enough food to provide the necessary calories for work. Gradually hunting and gathering gave way to farming societies, easing the balance between caloric intake and output.

Early Eastern societies discovered the link between physical activity and disease prevention. Activity for its own sake was encouraged in China, while India developed Yoga as an outgrowth of the Hindu belief in the connectivity of body, mind, and spirit.

Ancient Greece brought us the ideal that many still strive for today. A highly athletic, chiseled look was considered the height of fashion. The Olympic Games originated in Athens, as a natural outgrowth of the premium placed on athleticism by society as a whole.

Initially, the Romans were an exceptionally fit society, as all members were expected to be ready for military service at any time. However, as the Empire expanded, military precision gave way to greed. The excesses of the later Roman Empire are legendary, as entertainment came in the form of gladiator tournaments, public baths, and luxurious accommodations.

After the Barbarians defeated the Romans, the Dark Ages saw a return to survivalist life. The key to fitness again lay primarily in ensuring that the energy expended in the hunt resulted in a meal large enough to replace the calories.

The Renaissance brought a return to many of the ideals of Ancient Greece and Rome. This period marked an emphasis on physical education programs in schools, and athletic prowess was again revered.

The Post-Renaissance era brought many changes to both Europe and the fledgling New World. Europe fully embraced the fitness ideals of the Renaissance, adding and expanding school programs in physical education. Though it would be some time before they followed suit, Colonial Americans saw the need for fitness and strongly encouraged daily exercise.

At the turn of the 20th century, Theodore Roosevelt ushered in a new era of fitness, challenging his citizens to live the healthy lifestyle that he, himself, embraced. The new focus on fitness lasted until the 1920s, when post-war excess gave way to the Great Depression.

The military draft of World War II brought into glaring focus the lack of fitness in America. Numerous draftees were found too unfit for military service. Significant research effort was put into determining how to build fitness in children, and the results led to the 1950s formation of several fitness organizations. Growing awareness throughout the 1960s led to the fitness revolution of the 1970s. The fitness boom continues today.

Changes since the 1970s have been primarily surface-level, with various activities taking turns as the latest craze. As research continues, exercise routines are fine-tuned and recommendations changed. It is likely that we, as a society, have finally gotten the message that physical fitness is critical to our health and well-being. The current trends toward bottled water and raw foods show that while fad diets may come and go, fitness is here to stay.

Realizing that younger people will react to alcohol differently is probably the first step to recognizing your child’s alcohol problem. While most adults can have a drink or two without losing the ability to think rationally or having mood swings, children may not be able to handle alcohol so well. If your son, who is usually mild-mannered and reserved suddenly starts to display erratic behavior, it may be more than just “puberty”. If the behavior continues for more than a week or so, it may be time to start asking some questions.

Also, you should pay attention to the types of friends your children are spending time with. By the time your children are in middle school or high school, they may not want you to be so involved in their social lives, but this is the time when you need to be concerned the most. Your son or daughter will be spending more time away from the house during this time, which could expose them to a number of influences that may not be positive — including alcohol. You should make sure that you meet all of your child’s friends and their parents. This will definitely give you insight into the child’s interests and upbringing, so that you can get an idea of the impressions this new friend will be leaving on your child. During the teenage years, kids are more likely to listen to their friends and popular kids at school than their own parents, so if you can make sure that your child’s friends are not interested in drinking alcohol or participating in reckless behavior, you will feel more at ease with your child’s social life.

Aside from the normal displays of independence that teens and pre-teens show, you should make sure your child is not shutting you out of their lives completely. Establishing a relationship with your child at a young age fosters honest conversation and expression that will not only help you know if your child is having a problem with alcohol, but will also give you information on how to help your son or daughter. If your child suddenly doesn’t want to talk about school or friends anymore, he or she may have something to hide. And if your son or daughter starts to tell you about a friend who is experimenting with alcohol, it’s time for you to give sound advice; constant interaction with this friend is not good, but your child should still know that a real friend would lend a helping hand in this situation.

Finally, you should keep in mind that no matter how old your child gets, you will still be their oldest and most trusted example — even if they won’t admit it. If alcohol is in the house on a regular basis or if your children see you drinking often with friends or family members, they will not see the dangers in drinking regularly or at an early age. Your actions and lifestyle are the best tools to use to help your children avoid alcoholism, so choose wisely.

In order to answer these questions, we turn to reality TV. Survivor: Cook Islands just aired its season finale, and America is talking about who should have won – Yul the mastermind or Ozzy the challenge monster. Interestingly, no one is examining another question. How did Ozzy become the challenge monster in the first place? He is a small guy, obviously in shape, but carrying none of the sheer bulk of many of the other males. True, many of the bulkier guys were voted off the island early on, due to challenge losses that could be blamed on other members of their tribes. However, some who survived to merge were repeatedly beaten by Ozzy in individual challenges.

Nate stands out as a Survivor who exemplifies the bulked up male. In the myriad of shirtless shots that the show provided, it is easy to see that Nate’s build is very broad. His musculature is undeniable, particularly in his biceps. Yet in challenge after challenge, Nate’s mass fell to Ozzy’s wiry strength.

There are a few possible explanations; one has to do with balance. A larger upper body changes the center of gravity. If all other factors are equal, a smaller person will have the advantage in balance. Similarly, a smaller person will have the advantage of both less mass and less weight that must be contorted during challenges involving climbing, crawling, and other unusual bodily movements. Ozzy is a surfer, a sport which requires high levels of both balance and flexibility. His body size and shape are uniquely suited to both surfing and physical competition, while his surfing experience provided training in balance and agility.

Ozzy ultimately became the challenge monster due to a combination of core strength, flexibility, and conservation of energy. In a challenge that involved a zip line, he was the first to realize that tucking his legs up rather than extending them straight would cause him to descend more rapidly. Another challenge involved two tribe members attempting to remove a third from a pole then maneuver him across a finish line. Though Ozzy, as the pole-holder, was eventually overwhelmed by the strength of two men, he was able to make himself almost one with the pole, positioning himself so that he could not simply be pulled away.

In a previous season of Survivor, we saw a grueling 14 mile hike to find the tribe’s camp. One after another, the bulky men fell to exhaustion and dehydration, while the smaller men and the women were tired but unscathed. It is likely that the combination of muscle weight and higher caloric needs contributed to the men’s difficulties.

Certainly, most men have no aspirations to be on Survivor. Nonetheless, lessons can be learned from those who do participate. In thirteen seasons of Survivor, a large, bulky man has yet to emerge victorious. Previous challenge monsters Tom Westman and Terry Dietz, though of larger build than Ozzy, were proportional rather than bulky. Interestingly, Ozzy was the first challenge monster to win the balance-based final challenge.

It seems from the evidence that core strength and flexibility should be the new goals in fitness. Men who have both are much more adaptable to a variety of physical tasks than are those who simply carry a lot of bulk.

men’s health, men’s issues and men’s lives.

It will be a place where we can talk about “men’s stuff” — be it physiological or psychological in nature. We can talk about tool bags or ‘tools’, membership of clubs or just about our own members. It’s up to you what you want to say.

After a little while I’ll open up the site to the regular visitors so that you can write and post your own thoughts and articles, rather than just commenting on mine. And, of course, if you feel you want to get an article up there now, please email me (men @ lee hopkins dot net).

Being a connoisseur of women, and therefore keenly interested to know what they think, I naturally welcome any comments our more attractive and shapely half of the population might have

I welcome your input.
Cheers,
Lee